I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
