i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the raccoons are back...
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