Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My cat gives me a boner
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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