i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You took a bar mat shot.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
