first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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