so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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