I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
