Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
