i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
