Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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