I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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