Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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