So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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