Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
