At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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