I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
