What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude i'm inner monologue high
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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