..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
