I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
