do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
