it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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