tell your sister to shave her snatch
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
