Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
