she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
