someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
