im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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