Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
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Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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