i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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