I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize