He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
