dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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