He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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