I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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