it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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