Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
