I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
