Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
