I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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