me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize