I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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