If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize