I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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