i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
