Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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