I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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