i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
only you would photoshop your dick
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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