fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
