i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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