My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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