I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
