I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
