I just cut my nipple shaving
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
