There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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