If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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