Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
