Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
