i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
