I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
