Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
