i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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