well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
