The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
