:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
